It will be strange, this afternoon, to sit down to turkey for two. We will miss the kids and grandkids—though, like many others, we will spend time on Facebook and Zoom with them. But we will light the candles, carve the turkey, serve out stuffing and cranberry sauce (two kinds, by way of marital accommodation), and get down to some fine Recreational Eating. And since we’re doing an exchange of sides with friends this year—their stuffing and cranberries for our potatoes and green beans—it will be a gourmet experience. Later, we will groan that we just can’t eat any more today. Then we will happily devour some pie.
It will be imperfect, not what we expected or hoped, but we will love it anyway. That’s what grown-ups do. We accept that the things and people around us are flawed, yet we allow ourselves to feel tenderness and warmth towards them.
That’s what we have to do now with Thanksgiving, too. Our American past is complicated and fraught. There’s no question that we treated the Native Americans—I like the Canadian designation of First People even better—badly. Very badly. Even today, our government continues to do so: in the past weeks, Trump has been trying to pull tribal designations from some Native groups. (If you want a succinct history of his difficult history, go to the wonderful Heather Cox Richardson’s post today.) We can do better. With luck and work, maybe we will. Maybe tomorrow more of us will pay less attention to Black Friday and more to Native American Heritage Day (signed into law in 2008).
Despite the complications, it’s good to have a holiday that celebrates food and family while giving us a chance to be grateful for all we have. It’s good to have an American holiday that’s built not on presents but on presence, even when much of that presence will involve screens rather than hugs. (It’s also good to give to a Food Bank or Survival Center, since this winter is going to be difficult for so many families.)
While we are at the table, Michael and I will take time to toast our imperfect, beautiful country, plus the friends and family we miss. (Naming them all would be a good drinking game!) And we will toast to hope: Next year, may we be sitting down with lots of them!
Happy Grown-Up Thanksgiving!
Nancy, your Thanksgiving sounds almost identical to ours. Despite the extra work I could not forgo roasting a 12 pound turkey as the kids would say “because the leftovers” if nothing else. Wish we had talked in time to join in on your Thanksgiving dish sharing plan as we have a pumpkin pie I baked that is way more than we need, but then again, no pie goes uneaten by Julian. We, too, have zooms planned, one–international– including all 5 grandkids which we all agreed ahead of time would be brief and then a more sedate adult conversation once the kids are all in bed. And we will also toast all the many friends and family members we miss and like you toast the hope that next year we will have many opportunities to sit down with all of them.
Yes, “because the leftovers”! I’m shopping today for the ingredients for one of my favorites, turkey tetrazzini (and not the low-cal version, either). Serious winter comfort food…. Hope the kids are all well!
We will be celebrating a very similar Thanksgiving this year. Although we’ll miss those usually around our table, we are so grateful it is because we want to keep everyone safe, not that they are missing from our lives. We have much to be grateful for… Heather Cox Richardson and the results of the election included. Have a wonderful day!
What a lovely way to frame it: to keep everyone safe, not that they’re missing from our lives!
Love this lively conversation. I was all set to give a shout out to Heather Cox Richardson but Janis beat me to it. She was once upon a time a young colleague in the history department at Umass where I taught journalism. What a public service her words are: so measured, so versed in history, so desirous of building a bridge to reasoned discourse. In terms of giving, I love the Food Bank and Survival Center…also the Care Center in Holyoke.
Hi Nancy! I know I’m way late, but I hope your Thanksgiving was everything you planned. Definitely a different year but I can’t help but believe that without contrast, without tension, we often overlook the good that we so often take for granted. If anything, I’m guessing this year will help to remind us of those things we hold most dear. ~Kathy